Born This Way

I’ve had a lot of people tell me in the last week that they can really see a difference in the way that I look. I’ve been fixing my hair more and wearing more makeup and in general just feeling prettier. I’ve begun to see myself in a different light and I’m liking what I’m seeing more and more each day. It’s hard to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and not recognize the person that is standing before you. Before I began my weight loss journey, I didn’t like to look at that person because she seemed like a stranger to me. I finally think the real me is emerging.

This week’s episode of Glee really hit home to me. “Born This Way” was all about accepting yourself for who you are. **Semi-Spoiler alert** Emma Pillsbury comes to terms with her OCD, Dave Karofsky apologizes to Kurt and the Glee Club for bullying, and it’s revealed that Quinn wasn’t always so perfect. Because of this, I started thinking a lot about if I stopped losing weight right now, could I truly accept myself. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think that I could.

First of all, I’m not comfortable enough with myself to share my weight with the world. Is it because I’m ashamed? Well, frankly, yeah. I’m ashamed of what I let myself become. I never was a very active child or teen, but in recent years I lived such a sedentary lifestyle and was ordering out almost every night of the week. It was my actions (or lack thereof) that caused me to gain weight.  I got to thinking about what Santana said: “If you don’t like something about yourself, then change it.” That’s exactly what I’m doing, though it’s through non-surgical means. I wasn’t born fat. I became overweight, and then obese, over time. Unhealthy, fat Tasha is not the real Tasha. It’s taken me awhile to realize it, but I’m glad that I finally have.

I met my mom for Easter dinner at our favorite place in Morehead, KY which is half-way for us. She told me that she was proud of me what what I’d been able to accomplish thus far. And she said that while I should I have listened to her in the first place and done this a long time ago, she’s glad that I’ve taken it upon myself to turn my life around. She told me that she was very scared for me and I guess I never really admitted it, but I was scared too. I was so unhealthy and I was afraid of dying young. Now, while I might not be the healthiest I can be yet, I’m much better than I was before and a lot of my risks have decreased.

I’ve been bad this week, though. I didn’t go to the gym at all and maxed out my points every day. I’m going to do a lot better next week, but for now I take comfort in the fact that I am being the change I wish to see. I will see my true self emerge some day.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura
    Apr 29, 2011 @ 18:39:32

    While I skipped over your Glee spoiler (missed it due to area tornado warnings take precedence over Glee, haven’t had a chance to watch it yet online) and appreciate that you warned me it was coming 🙂 I really enjoy the message of this post. So proud of the work you’ve been doing. I believe that the “obesity gene” exists, so we might be born predisposed to being this way… all the tools are out there to change it, to fight what we’ve been dealt. And you are just kickin its butt!

    Reply

  2. Tasha Lee
    Apr 29, 2011 @ 22:43:11

    I’ve never given much credence to the “obesity gene” notion, though recent research I’ve started thinking about it. I can imagine that it would be hereditary, but yeah, you’re right I’m trying my darnedest to fight it. Thank for your support, Lala!

    Reply

  3. Dacia
    May 02, 2011 @ 12:05:26

    Great post! I loved that episode of Glee- it was very inspiring and also I am glad that they are really starting to preach (not in a bad way) acceptance. I hate that in this country, when it comes to accepting differences in others, it still seems like obese people are looked down upon. I am not sub-human, gross or disgusting. I am a kind, beautiful person and I deserve to be treated as an equal. Ugh! Sorry for the rant! I think that the important thing is for you, and for me, is to focus on being healthy not skinny. Making these lifetyle choices for the right reasons. Showing others we value our health not the importance of socially accepted beliefs as to what people should look like.

    Reply

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